Marriage refers to the coming together of two opposite sex adults to live together as husband and wife after fulfilling all the required rites.
For there to be a legal marriage fundamentally, the bride price must be paid to the family of the lady. This, traditions, law and bible stipulate and recommend it.
Therefore, this implies that when a man puts a woman in his house without accomplishing the necessary cultural and legal requirements regarding the marriage, then both of them cannot be said to be genuinely married yet.
So listen to me, as a man, you are not married until you carry out those rites which include payment of bride price and every other thing that the family of the woman may need you to do which is within the law and maybe your religious belief.
Why are we taking time to lay emphasis on how to build successful home via a good marriage? It’s that important because war and peace begin at home. A peaceful and lovely home spreads the values to the community, from there to the county to the states and to the nation then all over the world.
This is just by the way, as I will write full article soon on what makes your marriage legitimate or not.
Back to the main topic which talks about marriage bringing some freedom and taking some away, it is crucial to say that FREEDOM is a state of being free.
Before marriage as a young man I was so excited that one day I will be free from certain things by the time I got married.
For example, I go to work and return come back home, living alone in my a mini-flat apartment, most times I return with a lot of work related issues I wished I could share with someone close, but when I look around me, there is no one to share them with.
Remember the bible says in Gen. 2 verse 18 “And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him“.
So I pray for a wife and hope that by the time I get married, I will surely be having someone I can share my worries with from time to time.
Very correct after, I got married I started having someone I discussed my challenges, dreams, visions, plans and even emotions with. I got that freedom I was questing for at that level.
Also, as a young career bachelor, you leave the house early in the morning and return in the evening as tired as you are, you then enter the kitchen to prepare dinner for yourself.
This is always tiresome to do all the time. And taking dinner in eateries or public spots regularly is not wise economically and in terms of comfort as well as satisfaction.
Hence, I prayed to get married so I can have someone who can assist me to prepare meals for me while I am out, and help to keep the home as well. This part of the freedom as well, I got after getting married.
I prayed to get married soon so I could have someone support me financially as the bible says in the book of Genesis, “I will make for thee a help meet’, someone that will help and support me.
So that if before getting married, I raised funds for my house rent , family bills, property project all alone, at least my wife can raise me some support no matter how small, it will go a long way to serve in one way or the other.
Indeed, after we got married, I started having such support after some time when she got a small business to do while waiting for a job.
I can also not forget that, the bible says two will warm up each other during a cold night. I prayed to have such opportunity when I got married. Of course, I started enjoying that after my marriage.
I can go on and on, but the bottom line is that I got those freedoms I itched for before marriage.
Most importantly, as marriage gives you freedom in some areas, it takes away freedom in another areas of your life.
Freedom that Marriage took away from us as a couple
The bible says “Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the Lord”. Prov 18:22(King James)
Going by this biblical injunction, I felt all was going to be jolly jolly, no hitches, no restriction of freedom of any sort.
But the opposite was the situation when I later realised I can no longer do some things I used to like doing while a bachelor after getting married. I also discovered that marriage is first about sacrifice and commitment.
Those who come into marriage without understanding that commitment and sacrifice are key to make the home succeed, get it wrong and before you know it, they start having challenges.
Today many homes are unstable because both couples fail to realised that many things have changed after getting married.
Through research, I got to know that most marriage seminars do not go into details of talking about the rudimental ingredients that make marriage work.
See Also: Why Courtship is Necessary Before Marriage.
Let’s now take a glimpse into which areas partners lose their freedom after getting married and how I was as well affected by this.
- My personal time.
Time is a precious resource that many take for granted. We have what many refer to as private time and public time.
Public time is the official time you are expected to give out for some official reasons. For instance you work in an establishment; you resume in the office by 8am and close by 5pm. The space of time between 8am and 5pm is the official time you owe the company.
So public time entails the time you owe someone or organization based on maybe a service or work.
Your private time is the time you are supposed to own for your private life.
Before I got married, I normally spent my private anyhow I liked or wanted. For instance, after work in the evening I could decide to go relax with friends where we watched premier league matches, take a drink with friends, do other leisure things with pals and most often, I returned home quite late at night.
After I got married, the very first time I tried that thinking it was still a normal thing to do, my partner was not happy and raised alarm as if I committed an abomination.
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Every such attempt subsequently met with strong resistance from her letting me know I could not leave her to continue living such life now that she has come into my life.
And on my private research I discovered a lot needed to change.
So firstly, I realized that I no longer own a private time that I can throw around without putting my wife into consideration.
Hence, from that time, I no longer stay outside late except if am together with my wife.
If I will stay out late for any reason such work, business and so on, I discuss and agree with her(my wife).
Implying that lose my private time freedom.
Also, I use to spend money on anything I felt I wanted. But now I only spend when it is necessary and with my wife’s knowledge even if I made the money.
Again I have lost my money spending freedom.
- Accommodation Privacy
I use to allow anybody come and live with me without thinking twice or seeking approval or opinion from anyone, but right now I have to discuss and agree with my partner if she says no with good reason, I won’t go further on the matter.
I use to spend time with my mobile phone a lot. But right now I no longer allow my phone to be my best friend rather; my wife is my best friend now.
- Personal information sharing
Before I got married, I had one or two friends I confided in about my personal private information that I could tell just anything. But that changed as I began to share all with only my wife. I made my wife my best friend who should know every of my past, present and even future plans.
I can go on and on, but the truth is that I value my marriage and home. I want it to be the best home. I want love and peace to radiate in this home so I sacrificed all those things and more to keep my home and marriage glowing.
Marriages don’t just work, they are made to work.
For a marriage to work, we must first enshrine Christ in the home and live our lives depending on him.
Although, it takes a lot of sacrifice and adjustments which may not be easy from the initial stage.
But with prayer, determination and dedication, it will be fine at the long run.
By the grace of God if you come to my small family, you will admire the way we live, share love and relate. Though I know it could be better so I keep praying and working hard daily to achieve that.
I urge you to do your best to make your home a place you and your entire family members will always wish to live in.
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