One of our Blog Readers Needs Urgent Advice, Kindly Assist

love advice

One of our blog follower and reader seeks for advice on love-related matter. She left the message on our facebook page requesting for guidance.

Recall part of the very mandates of Court and Marriage platform is to help people with marriage and courtship related challenges through offering them advice.

Because for us in Courtship and Marriage, a happy couple means a happy family and a happy family translates into a happy community which automatically gives rise to a healthy nation.

READ ALSO:      Dos and Don’ts during courtship

Note: Please we urge you to offer advice and not insults. Because this may look like a simple issue but may mean a lot to the person wearing the shoes.

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Her message:

Please I want you help me post this message that I want to send.
Please my fellow ladies and gentlemen and mummies in the house, help me out o. this one. A friend of my ask me this question but I told her I will ponder over it, she said! She is in a relationship where she love her guy so much but doesn’t know if the guy Luv her too, but she says the guy is caring and fun to be with. Her problem with the guy is that he prides himself so much, he believes that He’s husband material, and often tell the gf that whenever they separate that she will never find someone who is loving and caring like him and all sort of hurtful things.although the gf is temperamental but since she met the guy, she is no longer like before. She said the guy cares for her and has suffered a lot for her, he also care so much about her welfare but what she gets her confuse all the time is the hurtful and heartbreaking words he uses on her. So she is asking me if she should continue the relationship or walk away. Please all she needs is advice not insult. She is so much in love that she can’t think straight. Ebere A. Read More

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Marriage sacrifices; here is what we must do to keep our marriages

 

marriage

 Marriage refers to the coming together of two opposite sex adults to live together as husband and wife after fulfilling all the required rites.

For there to be a legal marriage  fundamentally, the bride price must be paid to the family of the lady. This,  traditions, law and bible stipulate and recommend it.

Therefore, this implies that when a man puts a woman in his house without accomplishing the necessary cultural and legal requirements regarding the marriage, then both of them cannot be said to be genuinely married yet.

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So listen to me, as a man, you are not married until you carry out those rites which include payment of bride price and every other thing that the family of the woman may need you to do which is within the law and maybe your religious belief.

Why are we taking time to lay emphasis on how to build successful home via a good marriage? It’s that important because war and peace begin at home. A peaceful and lovely home spreads the values to the community, from there to the county to the states and to the nation then all over the world.

This is just by the way, as I will write full article soon on what makes your marriage legitimate or not.

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Back to the main topic which talks about marriage bringing some freedom and taking some away, it  is crucial to say that FREEDOM is a state of being free.

READ ALSO  

How to plan a great wedding with low budget

Before marriage as a young man I was so excited that one day I will be free from certain things by the time I got married.

For example, I go to work  and return come back home, living alone in my a mini-flat apartment, most times I return with a lot of work related issues I wished I could share with someone close, but when I look around me, there is no one to share them with.

Remember the bible says in Gen. 2 verse 18 “And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him“.

So I pray for a wife and hope that by the time I get married, I will surely be having someone I can share my worries with from time to time.

Very correct after, I got married I started having someone I discussed my challenges, dreams, visions, plans and even emotions with.  I got that freedom I was questing for at that level.

Also,  as a young  career bachelor, you leave the house early  in the morning and return in the evening as tired as you are, you then enter the kitchen to prepare dinner for yourself.

This is always tiresome to do all the time. And taking dinner in eateries or public spots regularly is not wise economically and in terms of comfort as well as satisfaction.

Hence, I prayed to get married so I can have someone who can assist me to prepare meals for me while I am out, and help to keep the home as well. This part of the freedom as well, I got after getting married.

I prayed to get married soon so I could  have someone support me financially as the bible says in the book of Genesis, “I will make for thee a help meet’, someone that will help and support me.

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So that if before getting married, I raised funds for my house rent , family bills, property project all alone, at least my wife can raise me some support no matter how small, it will go a long way to serve in one way or the other.

Indeed, after we got married, I started having such support after some time when she got a small business to  do while waiting for a job.

I can also not forget that, the bible says two will warm up each other during  a cold night. I prayed to have such opportunity when I got married. Of course, I started enjoying that after my marriage.

I can go on and on, but the bottom line is that I got those freedoms I itched for before marriage.

Most importantly, as marriage gives you freedom in some areas,  it takes away freedom in another areas of  your life.

Freedom that Marriage took away from us as a couple

The bible says “Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the Lord”.

Prov 18:22(King James) Read More

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Dos and Don’ts during courtship

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Having placed much emphasis on the importance of courtship before marriage in our previous articles, it is also important to say not all things can actually be engaged in during courtship.

Just like there are very crucial things that if not embarked on, will not guarantee a successful courtship exercise.

We must also remember that the foundation of a balanced marriage begins with a thorough and successful courtship period.

The rules are simple, do the things that will not leave anything bugging your conscience. Hide nothing and be yourself.

As easy as this may sound, they appear to be a bit tasking especially given that at this point, intending couples are yet to know much about each other.

First, intending couples do not need to see the marriage  as a do-o-die affair as this thinking tempt them into doing things that will not be right as far as courting is concerned.

Things you must avoid during courtship (Don’ts)

Let me start from things we must not engage in during courtship;

  1. Do not lie during courtship

Marriage is fundamentally based on trust and if courtship begins in falsehood, then the foundation of  marriage itself is faulty.

Both parties must understand the fact that it is an opportunity to begin afresh not minding your historical pasts.

Nobody without a past, the past must not destroy the present or future.

And one of the major ways the past can be rendered ineffective is by unearthing it to your partner during courtship.

For instance, if you had a child out of wedlock, please inform your partner.

Do not be scared of him/her backing out because if he/she does back out,  then it was not meant to be.

Through this, you can also know if the was love real or false

A few years back, a lady expressed her worries to me stating her boyfriend of six months relationship suddenly left after discovering she had a child of 2 years outside wedlock.

And she was like ”Sir are you sure  any man will stand this news and go ahead to marry me?”

In my response, I let her understood that her rightful man who will sincerely love her and not mind her   predicament of having a child before getting married will come and stay.

And I advised her to ensure she discusses the issue with whoever seeks her hand in marriage first before accepting the proposal.

To God be the glory, she did a couple of times and finally the one God created for her saw it as nothing and they got married. Today, they are happy couples  blessed with two other  children.

Should you have any issue that you think your partner needs to know before hand, please do not hide it from him/her.

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Inform your  partner about such issue, discuss it and agree on how you can handle such issue in marriage and workout a feasible way of overcoming whatever after effect this predicament may have presented.  Be it health issues or whatever, inform your partner during courtship period.

  1. Do not continue in old ill habits.

The journey of life is full of ups and downs, during this process we may have at a particular time tried to solve problems our own ways which may have culminated into some unpleasant consequential habits.

And over time we saw ourselves repeating some of the activities that are not right which along the line became our habits.

For instance indulging in illicit drugs consumption and addiction, watching pornography movies, drinking alcohol without regulation, smoking, clubbing, gambling etc. are old bad habits that must be stopped as you plan to start creating a home and raise responsible and God-fearing children.

All these kind of habits are unhealthy hence we must be determined to get rid of them and discuss them with our partners with the aim of helping us to work together to find permanent solutions to address them.

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Sincerely repent of all unhealthy habits.

True repentance can only come when we take the decision to turn a new leaf by ourselves without been forced to do so.

The holy bible says in 2 Chronicles 7:14 “If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land.”  KJV

Repent of such habits to be ready to start a fresh new life .

Marriage is a serious business; you cannot go into it with any of such habits and expect to succeed.

  1. Avoid Sexual Immorality(sexual sin)

The holy bible says ”Marriage is honourable with bed undefiled” Heb. 13:4.

Do not allow yourself to from things that will tempt both of you into committing fornication.

For it is sin that God hates.

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Avoid discussions that will lead to temptation because the bible says “evil communication corrupts good manners” 1Cor 15:33.

Do not dress in a way to lure your partner into sin during courtship. Dress modestly and responsibly.

Stay away from close body contacts so as not to tempt one another into immorality.

Have patience because one day you will get tired of sexual intercourse as married couple. Take your mind away from thinking about it to avoid been tempted into it.

The consequences of premarital sex can better be imagined, hence do all you can to avoid it and wait until you are married.

  • Avoid cooking and washing for your courting partner
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    What is the right age for marriage?

    There are a lot of questions in marriage particularly about age.

    Why is this? Why is that?, when will this? When will that? What is this, what is that? And one of the most common question asked by young people is” what is the right age to get married?”

    That is because anything that is a great concept and phenomenon must require a lot of knowledge to pursue hence the need to provide answers to numerous pondering about starting a family via marriage. Read More

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